Chumispeak

COMMON SCENTS

2010-10-18T10:22:00.000-07:00

There are many among us who, when they rise in the morning, might put on as many as nine different scents on their bodies before breakfast. You've got your shampoo, conditioner, soap, face scrub, deodorant, makeup, blush, lipstick, and then, if that's not enough clashing smells, an overdose of perfume to top it all off. This all combines to create a very offensive odor that lingers, even outdoors. But if you get into an elevator with it, it can be nauseating. Next, you put on your cloths, and they smell of fabric softener, another unpleasant scent when combined with all the others you've just applied.

Now you go off to your local department store and find that the first place you pass through is the perfume department. Did you ever notice how that department has one or two servers at every counter? Then when you go further into the store, you can wander forever without seeing another server? They tell me that the perfumes are manned by staff from the manufacturers. Big business.

Are you like me? Do you love to have your food served on dishes that smell like spring flowers? Doesn't it go so well with the garlic and herbs you put into your cooking? Who among us has sent a message to the manufacturers, that we want scented soaps for our dishes? What geniuses figured out that the flavours we infuse into our cooking needs to go on scented plates? Oh, and don't get me started on stale cigarette smells. As a non-smoker, I feel nauseated standing next to a smoker who just finished a smoke.

I would want to live in an environment where all products except for the perfumes, were scent free. Two cents for your thoughts, and one scent for your body is the way to go.

"Shane's World" a story of mental and emotional challenges

2010-08-23T21:10:00.000-07:00

We've all heard it said that there is much we can learn from mentally challenged people, and I used to agree enthusiastically. But I admit that I didn't truly believe it until I understood at a personal level. That only happened in my mid-forties. It was a gradual awakening while I did respite work over a period of four years with a man who was almost exactly my age.

I spent weekends with Shane, attending to all his care. He was a voluntary mute who had a voice, but never used formal language to express his needs. Perhaps this was so because of his extremely low IQ, somewhere in the neighborhood of my pet Akita. I would go out with Shane and my dog, Honey Bear, noting how similar their cognitive responses were. Shane would grunt or cry out at various volumes, depending on what it was that he was attempting to communicate. Honey Bear would also bark, growl, or whimper to make his needs known. It was in the same way that I learned to understand what my dog wanted, that I learned to know what Shane wanted.

Shane was easy to care for for the first year. I would bathe, toilet, and dress him, and he would cooperate, even smile gratefully at times. Then his Mother died. That that was a turning point when he became depressed and very difficult to manage. All the chores that were easy, became burdensome. He would throw his food, not allow me to dress him, and refuse to come when we had to go out. When I would turn left to go down the stairs, he would pull to the right, and start screaming when I would tug at his arm back in my direction.

These problems left me feeling frustrated, and I was aware that I was becoming abusive. My background in the helping professions alerted me to the fact that I needed some kind of support to break this emerging pattern, and give me better tools to work with Shane's difficult behaviours. Despite my fear of being labeled an abuser, I called the agency, and they were very pleased that I was asking for help. They connected me with a worker who could teach me strategies that would get Shane to comply more readily. After just one session, I was helped with bathing and dressing Shane. I kept rewards such as candies and cookies. But he was still refusing to turn down the stairs with me, and that needed to change.

One evening when I was flipping through the channels on my TV, I heard a comedian finishing his routine. He said,"Remember, two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do!" That was the answer. When I would turn left, and he would pull to the right, I would just turn right with him until we were facing left again. What an imaginative solution! It was so simple. The problem was solved, and I began to consider the valuable lessons I learned from Shane. I learned about patience. I watched as he waited quietly, for long periods of time for me to prepare his meals, or to dress him in the morning, or to get him ready for bed. He would busy himself with a deck of cards, or stare out the window. When I would show up, he'd smile knowingly, that it was his turn. I learned how to read Shane's body language to help me better understand his communications. I have since become quite expert at reading body language. I learned to think more, "out of the box", and how positive the result of asking for help can be.

Thank you Shane, for your inspiration, your life lessons, and for being there for me. I will always hold a special place in my heart for you.

The Wizard's Tale

2010-08-12T10:48:00.000-07:00

When we think of wizards, witches, sorcerers, and the stuff fairy tales are made of, we enter into a fantasy world that takes us away from the mundane clutches of what we see as reality. It's a wonderful realm, filled with magic and illusion that has captured the hearts of children and adults alike. The Men's Movement of the 70's and 80's used these metaphors to express the inner challenges of growing up male. But this is not the world which I address here. Mine is the world of real magic, not the smoke and mirrors type we are accustomed to. It's the kind of magic that happens every day, and the best part is that it's accessible to everyone.

The first step one needs to take in order to use every day magic is to change consciousness. Starhawk (see Relevant Links), a well known Witch, who has done much to rectify society's misconceptions about Wicca, says in her first book, Dreaming the Dark, "Magic is the art of changing consciousness at will." I say, "Magic is the art of making reality seem like illusion." The implication here is that a shift in consciousness is itself, an act of magic. Both performance magic and real magic are acts of the mind. In both cases, we co-create magic by shifting our consciousness.

In the case of the magician, we allow him or her to shift our attention into believing that the impossible just took place, we see it despite the fact that we know what we saw could not have happened. With real magic, we look for 'logical' explanations to rationalize what we choose not to think possible. There are countless examples of real magic in my experience. One that stands out at this moment is when my wife and I were on the market for a house.

We heard of one for sale that filled all our criteria. We dropped what we were doing to run over and see the place before it sold. The man showed us around. It was perfect, and I expressed my interest. He apologized and said that it was sold. I left our phone number, and spent the next three days imagining that we owned the house, saying out loud, "I want that house." On the morning of the forth day, he called and said the deal fell through, the house was back on the market, and that if I was interested, I should leave an offer. After some negotiating, we closed the deal on the phone. When I hung up, I was so overflowing with emotion from the energy I had put out into the universe, I began to wail tears of joy and releasing the stress. Believers will believe this was magic, and nonbelievers will believe it was coincidence.

There is a leap of faith necessary to believe in this type of magic, and I have found that the more firmly one believes, the more it comes. Over the years, I have gone through a process of conjuring the wizard in me. Those who know me well, know me as a wizard. Here are two thoughts of mine that can help you invoke the magic in you.

"I'll see it when I believe it" (If we don't believe it, we'll never see it)

"You always get what you want. You never know when it will come. And you need to keep an open mind to recognize what it will look like when it does come."

Frame of Reference "Part 3" Abusing Our Language

2010-08-07T09:24:00.000-07:00

Warspeak
(alternative in brackets)

Your claims are indefensible.
(What are your claims based on?)

He attacked every weak point in my argument.
( He took particular notice of the flaws in my argument.)

His criticisms were right on target.
(His criticisms seemed reasonable.)

I demolished his argument.
(I mentioned the flaws in his argument)

I've never won an argument with him.
(He seems rigid in his point of view.)

You disagree? Okay, shoot!
(I would like to hear you're take.)

He shot down all of my arguments.
(I felt unheard when he rejected each of my points.)

(for the complete article, go to:) http://theliterarylink.com/metaphors.html

Sportspeak

(alternative in brackets)

I'm gonna be the quarterback of our sales team this year.
(I will lead our sales group this year.)

I'm really trying to keep my eye on the ball and hit a few home runs.
(I'm really trying to pay attention to details in the hope of succeeding.)

Hopefully, by the time we reach the home stretch, I'll have knocked a few sales out of the park.
(Hopefully, by the time we reach our deadline, I'll have made a few large sales.)

When we use the jargon of any given discipline, we tend to take the position that we are competing in that realm. So if it is warspeak, then we behave as though we are engaged in war. If it be sports, then so it is as with war. Either way, we are involved in a competition. Besides war, a tragic example of this behaviour is in politics. Politics should not be treated like a competition, rather a group of people with one common purpose; to run a government toward the goal of representing the best interests of its constituents. The language they use, is chosen to "attack" one another, rather then to suggest a collaboration.

"ALWAYS, NEVER, EVERYONE, NO ONE"...etc. are words that rarely reflect reality. These absolutes are intended to strike out rather then to express one's truth. I have been told on countless occasions that people have to watch every word they say when they talk to me. It's true. I will challenge their intent in the face of those who will swear they meant nothing by what they said. I used to become defensive and withdraw when people would say that to me. Now, I say, "Would you have it any other way?" We all would do best paying more attention to what we say, and most importantly, how we say it. If we speak more mindfully, and listen more carefully, we might move from "attacking" or talking at, to talking with, or collaborating. we might all gain some valuable learning, without winning or losing anything.

Frame of Reference "Part 2" Stereotyping

2010-07-29T17:32:00.000-07:00

I want to talk about the impact of stereotyping on our frame of reference, and how it clouds our ability to see people as unique individuals, rather then predictable members of some race, culture, or group.

According to Wikipedia:

"A stereotype is a commonly held public belief about specific social groups or types of individuals. The concepts of "stereotype" and "prejudice" are often confused with many other different meanings. Stereotypes are standardized and simplified conceptions of groups based on some prior assumptions. Generally speaking, stereotypes are not based on objective truth but rather subjective and sometimes unverifiable content-matter."

When we hear a stereotype, it usually prejudices our thinking, even when we might not want it to. I tend avoid spreading this kind of negative stereotyping, but for the purpose of shedding some light on how insidiously it can spread, I will cite an example from my own experience, in the hope that it will help nurture a defensive attitude against profiling rather than to create anther stereotype in the readers mind.

I was driving by a yard sale one Sunday morning, and stopped to take a look. I saw an extension cord that I thought I might be able to use. It had a price tag of $5.00 on it. I offered the man $3.00 to which he replied,"I'm Dutch, I'm not Jewish". Being a person who can't resist a comeback, I said, "You're a racist moron is what you are"! and stormed off.

Later, I told an acquaintance about that encounter. He laughed and told me that, "Everyone knows that the Dutch are the cheapest people". I had never heard that before, and I wished I didn't hear it then. Many nationalities that are accused of being cheap, some of whom are great philanthropists.As a Jew, I've heard countless profiling about how Jews will 'Jew you down', etc. But once you hear that kind of stereotyping, it's almost impossible not to notice it when it occurs. And what's worse is, you won't be watching for any disconfirming evidence, so that what you are left with, is an accumulation of instances that support what you wish to believe. In research, they say that if you look long enough, you will always be able to 'prove' your hypothesis. With regard to this man who told me about the Dutch, my first thought was that when in the company of a Dutch person, he might say the same thing about Jews.

There is a saying, 'Judge the performance, not the performer'. We would be much better placed not to go in with a preconceived expectation that a person will will adhere to some set of behaviors because of their roots. That would leave us much better placed to see individuals for who they are, rather then who we expect them to be.

I would like to close by quoting a saying I once heard.

"I found a way for you to like me better. Lower your expectations".

Stay tuned for "Part 3" next week

Frame of Reference "Part 1"

2010-07-24T15:56:00.000-07:00

The way in which we interpret information is filtered through our own frame of reference. If this is so, then it follows that learning can only take place when we open our minds to the possibility that what we hold to be true and correct, is always subject to change.

There is a story told about "The Blind Men and the Elephant" There are many versions of this tale about a group of blind men who touch an elephant to learn what it is like. Each man feels one part, such as the side or the tusk, or a toe. When they put their experiences together, they find themselves in complete disagreement about what they touched. The stories describe how violent the conflict becomes and how (or if) the conflict among the men and their perspectives is resolved.

I could not begin to count the times someone has told me that something is so, and because of my choice not to swallow whole those parroted statements, I have been able to achieve the seemingly impossible many times over. This is most common when talking to "customer service" reps. My frame of reference in these instances is that anything is possible, despite what I am led to believe. For example, I had purchased paneling for my drop ceiling in bundles of eight. I broke one panel and returned to the store to pick up a single, where I was greeted by a friendly young man who apologized that the panels were only sold in bunches of eight. I asked to speak with the manager and he insisted that I would be told the same thing. After a bit of negotiating, he agreed to fetch the boss. Indeed, the manager told me that I could only purchase them in bundles of eight, and that it would not even go through the til as one. Well, we talked until he could see that I wasn't taking no for an answer, and when he put it through the til, lo and behold! it did go through and he said that if it went through, that it must be sold as singles. It might have been that some other item was only sold by the lot, and to him that meant that everything is done the same way.

The lesson here is that anything is possible, even if you are told time and again that it is not. Learning is a proactive process. It does not happen by accident. Learning opportunities do come by accident all the time, but it is the deep desire to receive learnings that will bring them to our awareness.

I will close with two quotes that sum this up best.

________________

"...We are all controlled by the world in which we live... The question is this: Are we to be controlled by accidents, by tyrants, or by ourselves?"

B.F. Skinner

"If the doors of perception were cleansed everything would appear to man as it is, infinite. For man has closed himself up, 'til he sees all things thro' narrow chinks of his cavern."
William Blake

Stay tuned for "Part 2" net week

Racism, Biggotry, and Other Nasty Habits.

2010-07-15T11:14:00.000-07:00

In my opinion, the vast majority of us are unintentional racists. I know I am. If you think you are not, then you might want to examine some of your behaviors regarding other cultures, faiths, and skin colour. You might find yourself saying and doing things that are racist. How often do we mention superfluous information, drawing attention to race, colour, etc.? The other day, I consciously avoided mentioning the race of a man, when talking about how cheap he was. Does that conjure up images for you? Perhaps Jewish, or Dutch, or Scottish, or maybe Chinese, or even Americans on the road. There are those who are 'cheap' in all races, cultures, and income levels. But we each have our own 'pet' favorites, n'est pas (French for isn't that so)?

Have you said or heard someone say retard, gay or fag ( as in homosexual), they gypped me (as in Gypsy), Jew (as in to Jew someone down in price), or any of a host of other bigoted and damaging phrases that propagate hate? What about how we men treat women. Harry Belafonte said it best in his calypso tune, "Man Smart, Woman Smarter" Women are smarter, and yet so disrespected in so many cultures. We condemn other cultures for treating their women so badly, and yet we are no better, paying them less for equal work, behaving toward them as if they were objects. Oh, and children, our future. What kind of messages do we give them when we engage in deprecating others? I could go on and on, but I think I've made my point.

When I look in the mirror, I see a the face of a man who seeks to be compassionate, and respectful to all sentient beings. That is the path I walk. But it is repentant with land mines. not the kind that blow me up, rather the kind that blow my mind, from clarity to extreme confusion, driven by ego and poisoned thinking. The only way to avoid that condition, is to stay focused. I find the best way to do that is to own my prejudices. How can I fix it, if I deny that it is broken? So I admit my prejudicial thinking in the hope to disarm those land mines that keep me apart from my goal. The more I talk and share, the weaker and fewer those beliefs become.

The Dali Lama said that we must get to know our neighbors, because, what we don't know, we fear. What we fear we destroy.

I say there is no right or wrong, only consequences. Know the consequences before you take action, and your actions will bring favorable consequences more often.

Journey to the Heart

2010-07-08T10:47:00.000-07:00

We often confuse the the immortal spiritual heart with the mortal physical heart. It is important to understand the difference. The physical heart is subject to the actions and consequences of the physical world, while the spiritual heart is not subject to the boundaries or consequences of mortality. Paradoxically, it is the potential total openness and compassion of the spiritual heart, which can strengthen the physical heart here on earth, without the inevitable consequence of suffering which is a condition of the physical plain.

I practice a discipline called Shamanic Way. It is deeply connected to Mother Earth, and as such is considered to be a Pagan practice. In a nutshell, we journey in our minds to the non-ordinary, or spiritual world, to find answers to problems in the ordinary, or physical world. Typically, we would think of a question and seek answers from our guides. I took such a journey with the question, "What message can you give me to help strengthen my spiritual heart?" I received the following answer.

"The spiritual heart, as you call it, has no wisdom as you have known it. Heart energy shines in all directions, and like the sun in the heavens, it lights and warms all those who stand in its presence. It is not the work of the heart to think; rather, it is simply there to light the way for spirit. Emote love, and the light will guide your spirit to that sacred, infinite place. As the sun lights the day, and the moon the night, so does heart spirit light our path to love. Follow that light, and you will keep to the path."

Never Give Up
No matter what is going on,
Never give up.
Develop the heart.
Too much energy in you country
Is developing the mind
Instead of the heart.
Develop the heart.
Be compassionate.
Work for peace.
And I say again,
Never give up.
No matter what is happening,
No matter what is going on
Around you,
Never give up.
- His Holiness The XIV Dalai Lama

War and Other Harmful Activities

2010-07-01T11:36:00.000-07:00

Not all the deaths are from bullets, napalm and white phosphorus. Some come from deliberate starvation, denial of water and denial of sanitation.

________________________________________

I hold true the value that I am my brother/sister's keeper. I also hold true, the value that all beliefs are to be respected. This poses a major ethical dilemma. On one side of the balance, I have the responsibility to support victims of homelessness, abuse, war, hunger, hate-mongering, etc. On the other side of the balance, there are countries and religions that have evolved with many of these practices as part of their culture. The suppression of women being the most prominent example. In keeping with my values, I am bound to respect these beliefs and practices. Hence, I must tread cautiously when I set out to defy the beliefs and practices of others, especially given that much of the atrocities take place in my own backyard. The main difference is that we, as a country, do not condone them. That, in a nutshell, is my ethical dilemma. The big question is, "How do I proceed?"

To begin with, all offensive killing is out. I need not seek out the perpetrators and kill them, to protect my sisters and brothers. I think it is possible to negotiate, if I come with respect, and an open heart. Given how we have approached our 'enemies' until now, with our judgments and guns pointed, it will take much time to change perceptions, and to gain trust. Confucius said, " The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." As humans, we see everything in finite terms. There is a beginning, and an end. If we cannot see the end, why bother? The evolution of this dream is ever evolving and infinite. The increments are almost imperceptible.

We co-create all that is. For example, when we see a homeless person on the street, (s)he is there because of a set of circumstances that we were a part of, prioritizing objects above people, and then blindly rationalizing how they got there; he doesn't want to work, she was an alcoholic, and so on. I am not saying that anyone needs to change their lifestyle, that would be hypocritical of me. What I am saying, is that we need to transform our blaming attitudes, into one of compassion and understanding.

"Pay attention to and respect all sentient beings.Your suffering is my suffering and your happiness is my happiness."

The Buddha

Music and Art

2010-06-24T12:29:00.000-07:00

The Gettin' Higher Choir

Photo by Andrew Keilowicz
http://www.goingdigital.ca

The only obstacles that stand between any individual and creativity, are those parents, teachers, peers, who have reinforced that we can't sing, draw, dance; all those wonderful expressions of spirit that are our birthright. I had the good fortune to be part of a community choir in Victoria, BC, called The Gettin' Higher Choir. Hundreds of people who take the risk of joining, hear testimonies of those who were told that they could not sing. Together they raise their voices to heights that draw audiences of thousands each year to hear them belting out tune after tune.

A young boy who lived in a rural town was asked by his teacher to draw a picture of a fire engine. He drew away using all the colours in his crayon box. He drew a purple truck with a pink ladder, and multi-coloured firemen. When teacher passed his desk, she marveled at the boy's wonderfully creative imagination. The boy took his picture home and proudly displayed it to his family at the dinner table. His father glared at the boy and scolded him, "Don't you know that a fire engine is red!" The boy never picked up a crayon to draw again. The irony of this incident is that now, fire engines come in many different colours.

There are those who study, and practice for thousands of hours to nurture an ability to look at the world in unique ways and to convey to us what they see in ways that capture our attention and cause us to marvel at their works of art. There are those, as well, whose voices touch us deeply when we hear them sing. They too have learned and practiced techniques to sing long phrases in perfect pitch. The average person cannot possibly achieve what they do; not without the dedication and commitment required, and even then we do not necessarily have the physical equipment to do it. But we have mistakenly been measuring our potential against those accomplished artists, and consequently sabotaging what could be a whole realm of expression, if we just allow ourselves to indulge. One of my art teachers put it succinctly. He said, "Art is what moves you."

Spirituality

2010-06-05T08:12:00.000-07:00

There have been endless discussions, arguments, and even wars about whose faith is the 'right' one. When I attended grade seven as a Jew in the Protestant School Board of Greater Montreal, I was horrified to hear my stern-faced teacher recite from the Bible, "...those demagogues who pray in synagogues". I only wish I had the courage to ask him how that related to following the teaching of Christ.

The way I see it, anyone who follows a spiritual path is heading in the right direction. I think we confuse the parts of us which pass judgments, cause us to hate, and evoke guilt, with the parts of us which struggle to to be true to our own beliefs. While it might be said that the whole package is learned, if we take the time to go inside our hearts, the spiritual essence will resonate as pure, and the rest will fall to the wayside. There are many methods to achieve this goal, such as prayer and meditation. The important part is to reevaluate our beliefs, both spiritual, and secular, throughout our lifetime. The Buddha says, "Faith without doubt, is blind faith". I think that without asking questions, we cannot find answers.

I dreamed I had a visit with God. In this dream, I was left with an outline of God's purpose. There was nothing in my dream that raised one belief over another. There was nothing in my dream that condoned killing one another for their beliefs. There was nothing in my dream that was driven by guilt. My dream simply offered a way to commune with God in an efforts to live a good life. I don't always remember the lesson, but when I do, I feel better about myself. I was left with the following:

God is pure unconditional love; no judgments, jealousy, or wrath.

God comes to us in a form we can best receive. It's alright if that form changes with time.

God does not cause the events in our lives. We deal with those events relative to our relationship with God.
But if we choose to blame God, that is alright.

If we carry God in our hearts, we will find it easier to be at peace with our existence.